By Theodore N. Beitchman

Let me be perfectly clear.

Whether Tom Donahue was enthusiastic or not when Eagles boy wonder GM Howie Roseman offered a fist-bump in the Birds draft room means nothing to me — or probably you.

We posted a video of it over the weekend not to show how dysfunctional the Eagles “brain trust” is, but because it is factoidal evidence that Roseman is a child in an adult’s job.

He is not a general manager, but a PR guy in a GM’s wrap.

Sort of like Brett Brown, the ex-Sixers coach who somehow couldn’t figure out how to maximize Joel Embiid’s MVP talent the way Doc Rivers has.

Roseman traded ahead of the Giants to draft DeVonta Smith, a sure-fire star wide receiver from Bama.

Props to little Howie for that.

But then he reverted to his “I’m smarter than everybody else” mode by taking Bama’s Landon Dickerson, a center whose chief talent seems to be tearing his ACL — he has torn both.

Didn’t Roseman learn anything from the disastrous wasted 43rd pick of Sidney Jones, who tore his Achilles three months before the 2017 draft? He’s now a Jacksonville Jag.

Roseman has perfected the government speak method of communicating:

Say nothing and wrap yourself in patriotic bromides:

“Our scouts have given us the best advice possible.”

“Jeff Lurie let’s us do our job.”

“Zach Ertz is a quality player and a quality person.”

That’s the kind of argle-bargle you use when you know nothing and think you know everything.

I have no idea if these nine Eagles draft picks will help lift this sleep-walking franchise in 2021.

Maybe they will, but I have no clue where the Inky’s Marcus Hayes gets the notion that “Howie crushed it.”

Judging by his performance over the past year, ending with the weekend’s draft, Roseman is the leader in clubhouse for the title of Worst General Manager in Philly, passing the Flyers Chuck Fletcher.

And at least Fletcher doesn’t speak with a faux Southern accent.