Howie Boy has no playing, scouting or coaching experience, just a burning desire to be an NFL general manager the way a homely girl wants to be the high school hero’s date at the prom

By Theodore N. Beitchman

Has anyone anywhere ever had a worse month than Howie Boy Roseman did in January?

The only people that come to my mind are the dopes in the local media who are still under the impression that Roseman is a Boy Genius and that he and he alone was responsible for the hiring two years ago of Eagles coach Chip Kelly.

Kelly ran up a 46-7 record in four years at Oregon and transformed a middling, West Coast school into a national power.

Stevie Wonder could have seen what Kelly had wrought and realized that he was the perfect antidote for slow-walking, slow-talking, predictable-as-hell Andy Reid.

Jeff Lurie made that hire. And if John Clark or anyone else has evidence to the contrary he should produce it.

Or he should shut up.

Howie Boy has had Lurie’s ear ever since he arrived in Philly with no coaching or scouting experience in 2000 as the Eagles’ salary cap expert and staff counsel. He was promoted up the chain regularly to director of football administration — whatever that is  — VP of football administration, VP of player personnel and general manager.

And as he climbed, others fell or disappeared: Tom Heckert, Louis Riddick, Ryan Grigson, Tom Gamble last Dec. 30, as Roseman tried to consolidate his power once more.

What all these men had in common was that they had football experience, either as players, coaches or scouts — some with all three.

Howie Boy has none, just a burning desire to be an NFL general manager the way a homely girl wants to be the high school hero’s date at the prom.

When Howie Boy went after Gamble’s job he forgot to factor in what Kelly’s reaction would be. He evidently went to Lurie and said something like, “It’s him or me.”

Lurie may like Howie Boy but he loves what Kelly has done for the Birds — turned them around, provided some excitement in town, making it easier for Lurie to show his face in public restaurants without getting the stares that a 4-12 2012 team engendered.

Memo to Howie Boy:

When you go after the king you better take him out. Shakespeare said it and you can look it up.

So on Jan. 2 Howie got stripped of his GM-ship and got a fancy new title and more money, which allowed him to hide in Turks and Caicos for a week or two.

Kelly got all the power short of Lurie’s, making him the Eagles’ Supreme Leader — sort of like Kim Jong Un in North Korea, but with a better haircut.

Kelly then elevated Ed Marynowitz to VP of player personnel, essentially the job Howie Boy had.

Marynowitz is 30 and has football props. Howie Boy is 39 and will never be a GM here.

He probably feels lousy about that, especially since Gamble got rehired in a nanosecond at the Niners, from whence he came, as player development director.

So my advice to Howie Boy is to find another job. Some sucker NFL owner will fall for your resume just the way the idiot Browns owner fell for Joe Banner’s.

            But there won’t be any tension if you stay because you have become a non-event.

I bet you are glad it’s February!